So the separation (and stranger) anxiety started sometime between 6 and 8 months (thank goodness they started daycare at 5 months!).
They had previously gone into anyone’s arms with ease, but when their stranger anxiety started, it was as if those arms were suddenly covered with spikes…oh the writhing, the screaming, and the tears! Then came the look of desperation on their faces and their arms outstretched towards me. Then they would cling to me like velcro when I gave in.
They had separation anxiety even at home. They’d be playing in their Pig Pen for 10 minutes with no problem, and I’d go do some chores. Then they’d realize I wasn’t there right next to them, and the screaming would begin. It was exhausting. I couldn’t even go pee sometimes.
Most people would understand it was a normal phase of infancy and early toddlerhood. But not everyone. Some would take it personally…how come they don’t come to me anymore? This would annoy me. Way to be totally self-absorbed. Others would say I was sheltering them. This would actually offend me. Why would people assume I was a nervous mother? The thought of being judged by others made me even more tired.
So I’m a combination of annoyed, embarassed, and exhausted. Not to mention, I feel totally out of control. When will this phase end? It’s almost been a year. It’s gotten much better as they approach their 18 month birthday. More people are able to hang with them and give me and Dada a break for once. But they still look for me, especially at night. So there’s a teeny light at the end of the tunnel. I want to run towards it.
Then I was reading what Lo Gung and I refer to as “The Book”, which is the other Bible in our house right now. It’s a book that the pediatrician gave us, “Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, Birth to Age 5″ by the American Academy of Pediatrics. It had a chapter on separation/stranger anxiety. Thankfully it confirmed that it is a normal phase, but then I read this, which changed my whole perspective.
“..her desire to be with you is a sign of her attachment to her first and greatest love – namely you. The intensity of her feelings as she hurtles into your arms is irresistible, especially when you realize that no one – including your child herself – will ever again think you are quite as perfect as she does at this age.”
I’d never had anyone feel this way about me. Do they really see me like that? I then started thinking about their teenage years. They’ll be embarassed to be around me. They’ll do that thing where they want us to drop us off a block away from the movie theater so their friends don’t see us. They’ll slam the door in my face or hide behind their bed or in their closet to get away from me. They’ll write things in their journals and vent to their friends about their annoying mother. The tables will turn…I’ll be the one hanging around them and they’ll be the exasperated ones. I’ll be longing for the days when they “hurtled” themselves into my arms.
What does the other “The Book” say? “He makes all things beautiful in His time.” Ecclesiastes 3:11. “Wait on the Lord; Be strong and take heart; wait on the Lord.” Psalm 27:14. It’s for God to say when this trying period will be over. He has His reasons as always, maybe to teach me patience, to develop a more loving heart, and other things of which I cannot even fathom.
And perhaps I have been experiencing some separation anxiety myself…from God. In times like these – when I feel out of control, unsure of myself, persecuted and tired – I’m the one who should be hurtling myself into His loving and protecting arms. God actually wants us to rely on Him, always, for everything. Unlike me, he’ll never become annoyed or exhausted. But I always think I can do it all on my own.
So I guess for now, until the day comes when they don’t want me, I should try to enjoy them, in my arms, with my Lo Gung’s arms around us too, and God’s arms around all 4 of us.
